Someone asked, but what is the consequence if I keep living my way and not God’s way? (in a certain context were he says that God demands from Him to suppress His desires and orientation and that He cannot live the rest of His life in a closet otherwise He does not want to live!)
So, I say, you lose connection to your heart here… and you lose God hereafter.
But then he says: if coming out of the closet and living my life my way means that I won’t kill myself out of sadness then not knowing god is a sacrifice I’m willing to make. How about that?
So, here is my answer: There is a THIRD ALTERNATIVE that you are not considering:
Knowing God, and then your heart will change. You will love His way of life, and you will not need to hide in any closet. It is a route that you will think is not possible now, because you don’t appreciate the power of a heart that is full of faith. It is way more than you imagine.
Losing your heart means that your heart just becomes a material heart. A material heart is dark and dense. Spiritually it is empty, it has a spiritual hole, and the hole is on fire, and it calls all the time for the wood to be thrown in the fire inside. The fire is lust. Lust is the want of a material heart. The more you throw there, the fire just grows and eats more heart, and the hole is bigger. It is a vicious circle.
A heart full of faith does not need wood to feed the fire. There is no more fire. Fulfillment and content are the backdrops of your life. You then experience life including its simple pleasures in a state of balance. Now love has its original meaning once more. It is like putting the lights on after a long blindfold. You are reborn, and you cry like a baby!
All you need is to take a sincere first step.
A step like what?
Do something good to someone in need. Someone oppressed or someone in destitute. Give him a hand without him even knowing that it is you who did it. Give it to him for the sake of God, not for anything else. Just to open a channel between you and Him. Show Him you can give to His creations for His love only. For gratitude to Him. And then, while alone with Him, pray with your whole heart. Ask Him to show you the way, and to break the shell over the heart and make light enter. Do it one day after one day. One loving deed to his people, unconditionally, just for Him, and without anyone knowing about it, and keep asking, ask in a humble way, to the Lord of the universe who has created you. He will never shut His door in the face of a sincere.
Trust me, and try. It never fails.
I hope you find the light.